Interruptions

I've been thinking a lot about the interruptions in my life. It seems to me they all have the same theme. They take me out of my stable, secure, known world and propel me into a new world. When I was young, we moved several times, from Grand Rapids to Holland, from Holland to Lansing, from Lansing to Wisconsin, from Wisconsin to Pennsylvania. I was going into the 7th grade when we moved to Lansing. I knew one girl who said she would pick me up for the first day of school, but didn't. I was starting a public school for the first time in my life. I had to go there, by myself, and start new. It was hard, but I survived, and made new friends.

In the 9th grade, we moved to Wisconsin, and I went back to a Christian school. A small private school - 10 kids in the 9th grade. Seven girls and 3 boys. A cute teacher, single, who we teased a lot. The pastor came in to teach catechism once a week. The first week I felt so stupid because he asked a question from the catechism which I could not answer. Even though I had gone to church all my life, I had not had catechism instruction. My classmates however, had memorized catechism and hymns for some years. I can't say that I learned to love the Heidelberg catechism here, but I did learn it. I'm not sure I can even say that I learned to really love God here, in the way of having an intimate relationship with Him, but I did learn more about Him.

Ninth grade was my last year in Christian school. In the 10th and 11th grades I went to J. I. Case High School in Racine, WI. When the 12th grade came around my family would move to Havertown, PA. I threw a fit. I'm not kidding here, I stormed and cried and wouldn't speak to my mother. It was not a happy time. My mom and dad made arrangements for me to live with a girlfriend's family for the 12th grade. But, I graduated at semester and then to PA to live with my family. In PA, if you weren't Italian and you weren't from the neighborhood, you weren't quite accepted. I had taken co-op classes in high school in order to get a job, and that's what I did once I moved back "home". It was hard to make friends other than workplace friends.

After about a year in PA, my mom and dad moved back to Holland, and I with them. I got a job, a good job with a college, but then made some rebellious choices that took me out of God's presence. I moved away from home and into a relationship far away from Holland, Michigan. It would be more fair to say I snuck away from home because they had no idea I was leaving until the day I left. I still remember my parents crying and my dad reading scripture to me. It is so easy to find a worldly reason to say you are living in God's will, when in fact you are not. My time away didn't last long, I was back home within 2 weeks. I think I felt a bit like Jonah then, like I was falling down a deep well and was content to just stay there. But the really good thing that happened at that time was that I realized I really did believe in God and the Bible. Isn't it interesting that the only time I chose to leave my comfortable world was the time that I finally began a real relationship with God.

It's interesting to me that this all came out as I began to write. I really wasn't sure just what I was going to say. My interruptions don't seem like God calling me to a specific activity, other than show who He is where-ever he puts me. Even now, my interruptions all seem to do with taking me out of relationships in my comfortable world and placing me in a new world that "force" me into new relationships. As old as I am, it is still so hard for me to surrender all of myself to God. I am better at accepting where He puts me, but my heart still argues with Him as to whether He really knows what He's doing. So blasphemous!

In our sermon this morning, Pastor Huckabee said that as Christians we must always be prepared, and, that there are 3 types of believers:

1. Those that are about to get tested
2. Those that are enduring a test
3. Those that are coming out of test

He further said, God doesn't show up to make it easy, He shows up to prove He's faithful. That's what the testing is about. It's not for God. He knows us, He knows what we'll do. Testing is for us, so we know what we can do when we rely on God's presence. Huckabee said, "the trying of faith brings you to the pint of victory". Now, am I going to go willingly, or reluctantly?

Who is Interrupting Who?

I am so thankful for all the Bible study ladies last week. We dove right into the study, which involved huge vulnerability in sharing stories of how God interrupted their lives. It is so good to hear about God's faithfulness, and to see the strength and hope He gave to each one of them. I was humbled and amazed.

I have been having more thoughts on God's interruptions on my life. I'm coming to realize that every interruption is a chance to really listen to what God is saying to me in my life. Webster defines interruption as:

To stop or hinder by breaking in; to break the uniformity or continuity of; to break in upon an action; to break in with questions or remarks while another is speaking.

(This last is a problem I have anyway - I am sometimes like that student in class who is going "me, me, I know the answer, me, me and find it really difficult to not just blurt out the exciting thought that's in my brain). It came to me that when I choose to ignore, or not listen to, or just not follow God's plan wholeheartedly, that's what I'm doing--breaking in with questions or remarks. How rude, how daring of me, to interrupt the Sovereign God. How presumptuous to think that I know what He is about.

As I was reviewing last week's lessons, and beginning week two, I saw that God has a lot of work to do with me yet. For the last few years I have been unhappy in my job. There are various reasons, sometimes to do with the people I work with, sometimes to do with the work itself, always it seems, to do with not feeling like it's my vocation. I spent the greater part of the last three years begging God for an out, saying to Him, "I don't understand, I'm not happy here, don't You want me to find joy in my work? If what I'm doing is for You, wouldn't I be content?"

Sometimes God has to hit you over the head with a hammer doesn't He? It struck me as I was reviewing that "heeelllooo!" God calling Barb, "Don't you think you'd have moved on if I had a different plan for you". Ouch! Then Priscilla says, on page 35,

"Choosing to "do nothing" is really a decision to delay obedience--and the word for delayed obedience? DISobedience".

Well. I guess it is time to engage my whole heart in this job God gave me. It is hard though. I have yet to master that "be joyful in all things" thing that God asks of us. That tells me that my allegiance is still quite weighted towards Barb, and not 100% towards God.

I want to be in God's presence. I do! I want to hear His voice, and I want the words I say to be His words, and I want the way I act to Honor Him. I want to lay down the "I wants" and do what God wants. I want to run to God, and not away, don't you?

The Principle of Purpose

I have always loved Ephesians 2:10, the verse that tells us that God created good works for us to do beforehand. It was nice to go deeper into this verse on page 25 of the study. It has become even more beautiful to me now. I looked up the David Gudzik commentary on blueletterbible.com, this is what he (Gudzik) said:

d. For we are His workmanship: God saves us not merely to save us from the wrath we rightly deserve, but also to make something beautiful of us. We are His workmanship, which translates the ancient Greek word poiema. The idea is that we are His beautiful poem. The Jerusalem Bible translates workmanship as “work of art.”

Isn't that beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to let God be the owner of my life, when He wants to make of my life a poem!

We are God's work of art, created in Christ Jesus to live the good life as from the beginning He had meant us to live it.

Ephesians 2:10, Jerusalem Bible

A Story Worth Reading

As always I am struck by God's timing. No matter what study I do, it is though He means it to be aimed right at me. Jonah is no exception.

Make your life a story worth reading.

This is what is hitting me in these lessons so far. I love stories. I love to read stories, I love to watch stories, I love to hear the stories of the people God puts in my life. Stories encourage me and help me to grow. I know that my story has the potential to do that as well, but it seems like so often we do feel our stories are insignificant and small.

I found the exercise on page 22 challenging. Beyond the fact that my name is Barb, it's hard for me to see significant change to give a meaningful answer to "What was your life like". Was. That's the word that's stumping me. I don't know that my life is so changed as to allow for a what was my life like.

I'm a mom, a wife, a friend. I've had struggles sure, but I haven't had an angel visitation, or even a vision calling me to a new life. It's more like many small changes that have propelled gradual change. A spouse losing a job, kids making life choices that hurt their future, losing a work relationship that made the job fun in spite of the demands, struggling in a new work situation with a person who lacked integrity. These small life changes have propelled me in small ways into a deeper relationship with God, and a heart that is more willing to lay self aside to see just what it is that God has planned. But. . . having said that, complete surrender is still a scary commitment to me. As we learned from the stories we've been studying, God doesn't see what we see - where we say, what are you thinking, I could never do that, God says, yeah, I'm pretty sure you can do that, let's give it a try.

If I have gained in significance at all, it is in a heart that is more willing to look foolish for His sake. In that vein, my declaration of independence would be:

I am God's child. I am significant in His eyes. I am most free when I obey. I pledge to open my eyes and ears to Your desire for my life and to surrender my agenda to Yours.