I sometimes feel as though God is having His own private joke as far as I am concerned. Last week He shone His light on an area in my life that needs to be corrected. He brought me to an understanding of what has to be done to bring closure to that particular area. Then, the whole first 3 days of this final week are like His own private conversation with me to encourage me to just get on with it. Which, with His grace, I hope to do.

One thing from last week that has stuck with me, and that has given me great comfort, is the idea that God is preparing the way for my (and yours) obedience to make a difference. This helps to give me a little courage as I move forward in obedience to Him. I had paraphrased the 3 principles on page 117 as:

1. I can't do it
2. God can do it (when I surrender)
3. God prepared (or is preparing) the way

I am definitely counting on that.

Priscilla describes Jonah in day 1 as a "man who loved God but still seemed to love his own way a bit more". Seriously. This could be a description of me. My emotions are always lagging behind my obedience. At least I have grown a bit in doing the actual obedience part, even though my emotions are often not there.

In day 2 she talks about the questions God asked the participants (page 134). Again, I am so arrogant when it comes to obedience to God. My heart and soul is so transparent to Him - He understands me so much better than I understand myself - I have to still myself so that I can hear the questions He has for me, listen, and grow into the woman He created me to be. I must translate the head knowledge into heart knowledge. So often I know the right thing to do, and, I may even do the right thing, but oh my heart, it just really wants to do the wrong things. I am a Romans 8:19 - 21 woman:

"For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing. Now if I do what I do not desire to do, it is no longer I doing it [it is not myself that acts] but the sin [principle] which dwells within me [fixed and operating in my soul]. So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to it's insistent demands". (AMP)

That's exactly what evil feels like in me - insistent demands. The right vs. the wrong waging a little war within me. I liked how Priscilla reminded us

"The fruit of God's Spirit can only be realized in the life of someone who is consistently (read constantly!) yielding to the Spirit's work in his or her life. . . We must totally rely on the Holy Spirit to see the effects of His works in our lives."

God has been shining a light on how totally self-absorbed I have been, without consideration of the other players in my interruption. In fact, I am kind of blown away by a comment a friend made about a person I'm not crazy about. I was so focused on me, that I didn't see that some compassion was in order for another. I'm just like Jonah--not swallowed by a whale, but swallowed by my misery. Self-absorbed with my own journey.

So, today, I hope to start anew. I'll probably have to start anew every day of my life, but that's okay.

Dictionary.com describes lavish in this way: sumptuously rich and elaborate. We have a God who lavishes His grace on us, and with His help, we can learn to lavish that grace on those around us.