I sometimes feel as though God is having His own private joke as far as I am concerned. Last week He shone His light on an area in my life that needs to be corrected. He brought me to an understanding of what has to be done to bring closure to that particular area. Then, the whole first 3 days of this final week are like His own private conversation with me to encourage me to just get on with it. Which, with His grace, I hope to do.

One thing from last week that has stuck with me, and that has given me great comfort, is the idea that God is preparing the way for my (and yours) obedience to make a difference. This helps to give me a little courage as I move forward in obedience to Him. I had paraphrased the 3 principles on page 117 as:

1. I can't do it
2. God can do it (when I surrender)
3. God prepared (or is preparing) the way

I am definitely counting on that.

Priscilla describes Jonah in day 1 as a "man who loved God but still seemed to love his own way a bit more". Seriously. This could be a description of me. My emotions are always lagging behind my obedience. At least I have grown a bit in doing the actual obedience part, even though my emotions are often not there.

In day 2 she talks about the questions God asked the participants (page 134). Again, I am so arrogant when it comes to obedience to God. My heart and soul is so transparent to Him - He understands me so much better than I understand myself - I have to still myself so that I can hear the questions He has for me, listen, and grow into the woman He created me to be. I must translate the head knowledge into heart knowledge. So often I know the right thing to do, and, I may even do the right thing, but oh my heart, it just really wants to do the wrong things. I am a Romans 8:19 - 21 woman:

"For I fail to practice the good deeds I desire to do, but the evil deeds that I do not desire to do are what I am [ever] doing. Now if I do what I do not desire to do, it is no longer I doing it [it is not myself that acts] but the sin [principle] which dwells within me [fixed and operating in my soul]. So I find it to be a law (rule of action of my being) that when I want to do what is right and good, evil is ever present with me and I am subject to it's insistent demands". (AMP)

That's exactly what evil feels like in me - insistent demands. The right vs. the wrong waging a little war within me. I liked how Priscilla reminded us

"The fruit of God's Spirit can only be realized in the life of someone who is consistently (read constantly!) yielding to the Spirit's work in his or her life. . . We must totally rely on the Holy Spirit to see the effects of His works in our lives."

God has been shining a light on how totally self-absorbed I have been, without consideration of the other players in my interruption. In fact, I am kind of blown away by a comment a friend made about a person I'm not crazy about. I was so focused on me, that I didn't see that some compassion was in order for another. I'm just like Jonah--not swallowed by a whale, but swallowed by my misery. Self-absorbed with my own journey.

So, today, I hope to start anew. I'll probably have to start anew every day of my life, but that's okay.

Dictionary.com describes lavish in this way: sumptuously rich and elaborate. We have a God who lavishes His grace on us, and with His help, we can learn to lavish that grace on those around us.

The Meat of the Gospel

I had to laugh at myself after our Bible Study session last week. We went around the table sharing what meant the most to us after last week's study. Several women shared that just the fact that God never gives up on us, and is always searching for us as evidenced in the 3 parables was so meaningful. These are the same stories I was struggling to find what Priscilla wanted to share with us in my previous blog. How silly! Of course it is as simple and as profound as our God never letting us go.

I have been loving this week's lessons which delve into the meat of the Jonah story. God tells us,

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit" (Matt 28:19)

Priscilla reminds us on page 107 that sharing Jesus is supposed to be a way we live, not just something we do. This is something we know in our heads, but is such a challenge to live with our hearts. It's probably a challenge just because of the fact that God is always "putting regular people in circumstances that are beyond their own capabilities". Of course He is. How else would we grow. But growing is such hard work, and we tend to think that we know when we've grown enough. Thankfully, again, our God doesn't let us become apathetic - He shakes us up and puts us in a circumstance that challenges us and compels us to lean into Him.

I particularly love Day 3. Here we learn that God has truly prepared the way for us. He's preparing the hearts of people that we come in contact with. We may just be a drop of water in their journey, but who knows, perhaps we are softening hearts so that one day their love for God will just burst forth. This is so encouraging to me. This is a vocation.

Webster's defines vocation in this way:

a : a summons or strong inclination to a particular state or course of action; especially : a divine call to the religious life b : an entry into the priesthood or a religious order.

I think this is so cool. This is what God has done for us - He's entered us into His priesthood. He equipped us with His Holy Spirit. No matter what our age (young, old), enemy (few or many), He has set us up to win!

Second Chances

This week's lessons are focusing on how God never gives up on us.

God never gives up on us.

Just think of that. In the amplified version of the Bible, it defines "Selah" as "Pause, and calmly think of that". Isn't that beautiful? I need more "Selah" in my life. The fact that God never gives up on us is something to tuck into our hearts, so we can take it out and calmly think of it when we are in crisis. It's not an excuse to follow our own heart, but something to take courage from as we move forward into God's plan for our life.

I was struggling a bit with the parables in Day 2. I was reading the text, and the scripture, and feeling like I was just not getting what Priscilla wanted us to see in the passages. I turned to my favorite commentator, David Gudzik for some insight.

In the parable of the lost sheep, Gudzik shares that in Jesus day, the Rabbi's believed that God would receive a sinner who came to Him. In this parable Jesus teaches that God actively seeks out the lost. This thought was alien to Jesus listeners. Religious leaders thought that they themselves were more righteous because they diligently sought God, and others had not.

In the parable of the lost coin, Jesus taught that there is joy in the presence of angels over one sinner who repents. In Jesus day people believed that there would be joy in heaven over one sinner who is obliterated before God.

Jesus sure loved to turn people's beliefs on their ear didn't He? We are quick to take Jesus promises for ourselves, but I wonder if I show the same grace to other people who may have acted wrongly when God interrupted their lives.

In fact, when we move on to day 3, and study the story of Naaman I see that he had an arrogance that can parallel my own when it comes to obeying God and what He asks me to do. This includes obeying, forgiving, showing compassion and love, everything!

This so shames me. I don't want to be a woman who disobeys God. I desire to be a woman who hears God, obeys God, and honors Him with my actions, with my words, and even deeper, with my heart!

As I write and talk, that "I" word keeps creeping up. I want, I want, I want. Those are not bad things that I am wanting, but "I" have no possible chance of achieving anything without "God in Me". A stronger measure of the Holy Spirit, a fuller yielding of myself, a humbler follower of Jesus. A John 4:34 type of woman for Jesus.

John 4:34 (Amp.)
Jesus said to them, My food (nourishment) is to do the will (pleasure) of Him Who sent Me and to accomplish and completely finish His work.

Interruptions

I've been thinking a lot about the interruptions in my life. It seems to me they all have the same theme. They take me out of my stable, secure, known world and propel me into a new world. When I was young, we moved several times, from Grand Rapids to Holland, from Holland to Lansing, from Lansing to Wisconsin, from Wisconsin to Pennsylvania. I was going into the 7th grade when we moved to Lansing. I knew one girl who said she would pick me up for the first day of school, but didn't. I was starting a public school for the first time in my life. I had to go there, by myself, and start new. It was hard, but I survived, and made new friends.

In the 9th grade, we moved to Wisconsin, and I went back to a Christian school. A small private school - 10 kids in the 9th grade. Seven girls and 3 boys. A cute teacher, single, who we teased a lot. The pastor came in to teach catechism once a week. The first week I felt so stupid because he asked a question from the catechism which I could not answer. Even though I had gone to church all my life, I had not had catechism instruction. My classmates however, had memorized catechism and hymns for some years. I can't say that I learned to love the Heidelberg catechism here, but I did learn it. I'm not sure I can even say that I learned to really love God here, in the way of having an intimate relationship with Him, but I did learn more about Him.

Ninth grade was my last year in Christian school. In the 10th and 11th grades I went to J. I. Case High School in Racine, WI. When the 12th grade came around my family would move to Havertown, PA. I threw a fit. I'm not kidding here, I stormed and cried and wouldn't speak to my mother. It was not a happy time. My mom and dad made arrangements for me to live with a girlfriend's family for the 12th grade. But, I graduated at semester and then to PA to live with my family. In PA, if you weren't Italian and you weren't from the neighborhood, you weren't quite accepted. I had taken co-op classes in high school in order to get a job, and that's what I did once I moved back "home". It was hard to make friends other than workplace friends.

After about a year in PA, my mom and dad moved back to Holland, and I with them. I got a job, a good job with a college, but then made some rebellious choices that took me out of God's presence. I moved away from home and into a relationship far away from Holland, Michigan. It would be more fair to say I snuck away from home because they had no idea I was leaving until the day I left. I still remember my parents crying and my dad reading scripture to me. It is so easy to find a worldly reason to say you are living in God's will, when in fact you are not. My time away didn't last long, I was back home within 2 weeks. I think I felt a bit like Jonah then, like I was falling down a deep well and was content to just stay there. But the really good thing that happened at that time was that I realized I really did believe in God and the Bible. Isn't it interesting that the only time I chose to leave my comfortable world was the time that I finally began a real relationship with God.

It's interesting to me that this all came out as I began to write. I really wasn't sure just what I was going to say. My interruptions don't seem like God calling me to a specific activity, other than show who He is where-ever he puts me. Even now, my interruptions all seem to do with taking me out of relationships in my comfortable world and placing me in a new world that "force" me into new relationships. As old as I am, it is still so hard for me to surrender all of myself to God. I am better at accepting where He puts me, but my heart still argues with Him as to whether He really knows what He's doing. So blasphemous!

In our sermon this morning, Pastor Huckabee said that as Christians we must always be prepared, and, that there are 3 types of believers:

1. Those that are about to get tested
2. Those that are enduring a test
3. Those that are coming out of test

He further said, God doesn't show up to make it easy, He shows up to prove He's faithful. That's what the testing is about. It's not for God. He knows us, He knows what we'll do. Testing is for us, so we know what we can do when we rely on God's presence. Huckabee said, "the trying of faith brings you to the pint of victory". Now, am I going to go willingly, or reluctantly?

Who is Interrupting Who?

I am so thankful for all the Bible study ladies last week. We dove right into the study, which involved huge vulnerability in sharing stories of how God interrupted their lives. It is so good to hear about God's faithfulness, and to see the strength and hope He gave to each one of them. I was humbled and amazed.

I have been having more thoughts on God's interruptions on my life. I'm coming to realize that every interruption is a chance to really listen to what God is saying to me in my life. Webster defines interruption as:

To stop or hinder by breaking in; to break the uniformity or continuity of; to break in upon an action; to break in with questions or remarks while another is speaking.

(This last is a problem I have anyway - I am sometimes like that student in class who is going "me, me, I know the answer, me, me and find it really difficult to not just blurt out the exciting thought that's in my brain). It came to me that when I choose to ignore, or not listen to, or just not follow God's plan wholeheartedly, that's what I'm doing--breaking in with questions or remarks. How rude, how daring of me, to interrupt the Sovereign God. How presumptuous to think that I know what He is about.

As I was reviewing last week's lessons, and beginning week two, I saw that God has a lot of work to do with me yet. For the last few years I have been unhappy in my job. There are various reasons, sometimes to do with the people I work with, sometimes to do with the work itself, always it seems, to do with not feeling like it's my vocation. I spent the greater part of the last three years begging God for an out, saying to Him, "I don't understand, I'm not happy here, don't You want me to find joy in my work? If what I'm doing is for You, wouldn't I be content?"

Sometimes God has to hit you over the head with a hammer doesn't He? It struck me as I was reviewing that "heeelllooo!" God calling Barb, "Don't you think you'd have moved on if I had a different plan for you". Ouch! Then Priscilla says, on page 35,

"Choosing to "do nothing" is really a decision to delay obedience--and the word for delayed obedience? DISobedience".

Well. I guess it is time to engage my whole heart in this job God gave me. It is hard though. I have yet to master that "be joyful in all things" thing that God asks of us. That tells me that my allegiance is still quite weighted towards Barb, and not 100% towards God.

I want to be in God's presence. I do! I want to hear His voice, and I want the words I say to be His words, and I want the way I act to Honor Him. I want to lay down the "I wants" and do what God wants. I want to run to God, and not away, don't you?

The Principle of Purpose

I have always loved Ephesians 2:10, the verse that tells us that God created good works for us to do beforehand. It was nice to go deeper into this verse on page 25 of the study. It has become even more beautiful to me now. I looked up the David Gudzik commentary on blueletterbible.com, this is what he (Gudzik) said:

d. For we are His workmanship: God saves us not merely to save us from the wrath we rightly deserve, but also to make something beautiful of us. We are His workmanship, which translates the ancient Greek word poiema. The idea is that we are His beautiful poem. The Jerusalem Bible translates workmanship as “work of art.”

Isn't that beautiful. Why wouldn't I want to let God be the owner of my life, when He wants to make of my life a poem!

We are God's work of art, created in Christ Jesus to live the good life as from the beginning He had meant us to live it.

Ephesians 2:10, Jerusalem Bible

A Story Worth Reading

As always I am struck by God's timing. No matter what study I do, it is though He means it to be aimed right at me. Jonah is no exception.

Make your life a story worth reading.

This is what is hitting me in these lessons so far. I love stories. I love to read stories, I love to watch stories, I love to hear the stories of the people God puts in my life. Stories encourage me and help me to grow. I know that my story has the potential to do that as well, but it seems like so often we do feel our stories are insignificant and small.

I found the exercise on page 22 challenging. Beyond the fact that my name is Barb, it's hard for me to see significant change to give a meaningful answer to "What was your life like". Was. That's the word that's stumping me. I don't know that my life is so changed as to allow for a what was my life like.

I'm a mom, a wife, a friend. I've had struggles sure, but I haven't had an angel visitation, or even a vision calling me to a new life. It's more like many small changes that have propelled gradual change. A spouse losing a job, kids making life choices that hurt their future, losing a work relationship that made the job fun in spite of the demands, struggling in a new work situation with a person who lacked integrity. These small life changes have propelled me in small ways into a deeper relationship with God, and a heart that is more willing to lay self aside to see just what it is that God has planned. But. . . having said that, complete surrender is still a scary commitment to me. As we learned from the stories we've been studying, God doesn't see what we see - where we say, what are you thinking, I could never do that, God says, yeah, I'm pretty sure you can do that, let's give it a try.

If I have gained in significance at all, it is in a heart that is more willing to look foolish for His sake. In that vein, my declaration of independence would be:

I am God's child. I am significant in His eyes. I am most free when I obey. I pledge to open my eyes and ears to Your desire for my life and to surrender my agenda to Yours.